he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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