What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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