Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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