I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
