I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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