My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
