1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
