Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
