My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
