when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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