I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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