Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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