I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
