fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
