New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And then he peed in my hair
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