Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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