Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
