Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
