We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
