There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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