This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize