There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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