party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
