I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
