i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
