Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
