You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
