I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize