Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
how does that bad decision feel?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
