just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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