I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
