"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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