I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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