No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
