he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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