my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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