I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
