look no pants
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
