hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
