it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
