I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
