i permit you to call me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
