Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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