DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
