I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
