I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
