He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
