Don't you send me to vm
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
