Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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