The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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