I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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