So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
