i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
