You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
