I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
