i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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