its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize