I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
