just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
