Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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