my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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