wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize