so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
