One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
