I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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